Dear Abby - A Different Prospective

I saw this letter on FaceBook earlier this week and thought that it was interesting.  Normally, I don't read these, but it really caught my eye, especially as we get ready to move away from my hometown.  In my opinion, the author of the letter states her opinion well, but its presentation is one-sided.  The children and grandchildren’s feelings or concerns are not represented which is what gave me the most to think about after I read it.  Packing up to leave our home for the past twenty-five years has made me realize that relationships are really built on foundation, not obligation.  The letter never addresses the foundation of the familial bounds for this “wise woman”and her family.  It only states what the children and grandchildren should do to maintain the relationship going forward.  There could be a valid reason that the author's family does not have a relationship with the wise woman, but because the letter is one-sided we cannot see that.

After reading the Dear Abby letter, I thought a lot about Jeanette.  Before she died, she gave me a different kind of letter for each of my children.  She told me that it was my choice on when to give the letters to them.  She said that they were her memories of what she did with our children, not a goodbye letter.  I put them in our lockbox in 2014 and finally decided that the day after Cameron’s graduation open house would be the perfect day to give them to Brett, Cal, Meg and Cameron.  I did not read any of them, but heard back from my children that they were wonderful to read, filled with stories of her time with them, lists of their positive attributes and encouragement for them.  

Thinking about Jeanette's letters and the wonderful relationship that I had with my mother’s parents, I decided that it was time to let my four adult children continue their relationships with their grandparents as they saw fit.  I explained to them that after we moved, it would be up to them to keep in contact with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, etc.  They all agreed that they should begin to make their own plans and not have me as the middleman. It was a wonderful conversation between the six of us and we all felt very good about it.  At this point whatever relationship they chose to have with their extened family is completely up to them individually.

Life in the Heinisch Home will soon change drastically for me as my role as stay at home mom will come to an end.  I have absolutely loved being Brett, Cal, Meg and Cameron’s mother, but it’s time for all of us to move on to our next phase of life.  I know that I will still enjoy being their support system, just not their day to day caretaker.