Infinitely Better

Being a wife and mother is the best part of my life, and I wouldn't change that for anything even when times get tough.  Our family means the world to me, and I am so glad that my children know that no matter what they do or where they go, I will always love them.  I also appreciate every day just how close all of us are even though we live miles apart.  

 

I don't normally send these social media posts to my children, but this one touched my heart and I wanted them to read it. I was glad to see all of them respond with a heart emoji right away.  None of my children are perfect, but neither are Doug or I.  Each one of us, however, fits perfectly into our family and that's what is most important to me.  

The Date Book Returns

When I was teaching, I started using a date book.  It helped me tremendously.  I was able to keep track of our crazy schedule at home plus everything that was going on at school.  After I retired, I put away the date book and only kept track of our schedule on my phone.  It worked well for a long time, but this fall I noticed that my to-do lists were getting very long and I wasn't able to keep up with everything that we had going on in our lives.  I was completely overwhelmed trying to remember all that we had to do - doctor's appointments, medicine refills, CCW meetings, trips to the Midwest, household chores and more.  The Post-it notes just weren't working anymore and my anxiety in trying to keep up was growing out of control.

One day after talking to Doug about how I was feeling, it dawned on me.  I needed a date book.  I don't know why I hadn't thought about it earlier.  If it worked well a decade ago there was no reason that it wouldn't now.  I found one on Amazon that was the perfect size and today I started filling out everything that I needed to do in October.  I instantly felt better realizing that it wasn't my to-do list that was upsetting me.  It was trying to remember it all that was keeping me up at nights.  I am positive that the date book will not only help me to stay organized but reduce the stress in my life as well.  

Creatures in the Night

On Friday night, Doug and I stopped at a Hilton Garden Inn in Tennessee a little bit before midnight central time.  I had researched the hotels in the area and although the one we picked was under construction, it still had very good reviews.  We were both exhausted when we checked in and went straight to our room.  When I opened the door, I noticed the room smelled very musty.  I wasn't completely surprised as we had had moisture and humidity problems every time we stayed somewhere in Tennessee.  I found the thermostat and saw that the batteries were dead.  Thinking that I could still get the air conditioner to turn on manually, I walked toward the unit.  Running out from under the bed was the largest cockroach that I had ever seen.  I instantly grabbed my luggage and headed toward the door apologizing to Doug for leaving, but there was no way I was going to stay in a musty, smelly room with cockroaches.  He agreed immediately. The front desk clerk was shocked to hear about the roach and apologized profusely while she found us a new room on a different floor.  The second room definitely needed some upgrading, but it didn't smell and was free of cock roaches.  

After Doug and I left Saturday morning, I decided to contact Hilton to let them know about the cockroaches and to also tell them that I would have expected more than just a room change.  If it had been earlier in the night, we actually would have cancelled our reservation and switched hotels. I explained all of this to the customer service representative, and they promised me that we would hear from the hotel within three days.

Since today was the third day and I had heard nothing, I contacted Hilton again.  The representative said that I should have received an email, but since I hadn't, they read it to me.  The hotel replied that they had switched us rooms, had an exterminator come out within two days and would do better in the future.  The email actually made me more frustrated than I had been when I saw the roach.  I wasn't looking for much, but a free breakfast or a 10% discount would have been nice.  Customer service gave me a corporate phone number to call and thankfully the woman who answered took my concern seriously, instantly apologized and offered us 20,000 points which would go a long way toward another room.  I couldn't believe it.  I hadn't been pushing for compensation and really just wanted someone to listen to me.  I ended the phone call knowing that I had not only been heard but appreciated as well.  

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It Feels Great to Talk About It

I have spent a lot of time going to therapy these past two years to help with the stress of the past five.  There have been countless life changing events that have occured, and it has felt great to have someone to talk to about them.  It is also nice that I have had the same therapist every session, so I haven't had to reexplain myself or go over the same situation multiple times with different people.   I decided in August that I wanted to change my appointments to every three or four weeks instead of twice a month. When I made that change, I almost considered stopping therapy all together, but in the end, I am very glad that I didn't.  I have found that although I have learned to cope with stress a lot better than I did before, life continues to throw difficult challenges in our path, and I am not ready to face all of them on my own yet. 

The other benefit from going to therapy is that I have been able to talk with her about situations from my past that pop up in my mind from time to time.  I don't dwell on them but would love to get rid of the memories altogether.  Mostly, I would just like to stop blaming myself for things that I did not do.  I have a habit of thinking that everything in life that goes wrong is my fault even when I could have done nothing to stop the situation. Hopefully, I can learn to let those feeling go and move forward.  Guilt is a terrible emotion when you let it control your life.  I have learned why I always feel guilty, now it is time to stop the irrational feeling and look forward to a happy future.

  

Glad to Be Home

It was so nice to be home after being gone for ten days.  I was definitely tired, but thankful for a wonderful time in Indiana.  Today, I made an appointment to see my family doctor as a follow up to my hospital visit.  I unpacked everything that we brought back with us.  I started sorting through the items that our family wanted to put on Facebook Marketplace and eBay.  I did several loads of laundry, sprayed the weeds, watered my plants and appreciated a day to catch up. 

I absolutely love visiting the boys, but it definitely takes a lot out of me.  I have a month before we travel again and thankfully, we will be flying then which will shorten our travel time immensely.  I love my new Pilot, but three long drives to the Midwest and back in a four-month period were a lot.   

Bishop Fulton Sheen

Doug and I did not get to see Brett and Karen last weekend, but we didn’t mind.  We were just super excited that they were able to go on an adventure of a lifetime. Last spring, Brett told me that he and Karen were going to forgo a big first anniversary trip to attend the beatification of Bishop Fulton Sheen this past week in St. Louis. He was not only one of Brett's favorite bishops but would also become the first American-born bishops to be beatified in the United States.

Over the summer, I helped Brett and Karen several times with their trip - first, navigating the craziness of securing tickets for the mass, and then looking at several different hotels that were close to the beatification and were also affordable for their mini vacation. Brett even went over his plans for St. Louis with me, hoping to include the Gateway Arch and the St. Louis Zoo along with the religious ceremony.  I was glad to be a part of their planning as I know how much it meant to them.  

Brett and Karen both texted me multiple times throughout the week with pictures and their thoughts on the beatification. I truly appreciated their words of thanks for helping them plan this trip and was delighted to see how happy they were attending it. I was also glad to hear that they not only made it to the arch and the zoo but found several other places to visit such as the Museum of Illusions as well. All of it sounded wonderful, and I loved their pictures and videos. I couldn’t believe the number of priests that attended. I thought the seventy-five at Nathan‘s ordination were a lot, but Karen said it took over an hour for the priests' procession to the beautification. I am thrilled that all went well, and although I missed seeing them this weekend, I wouldn’t trade time with them for the memories that they made together this past week for anything.

Not So Unexpected News

Doug and I left at halftime last night.  The game was still close at 12-0, but we knew that if we stayed until the end, we wouldn't get out of the stadium before 11 p.m.  That would leave us very little driving time tonight and a longer trip today.  There was another benefit of leaving early.  I would no longer have to listen to the crowd around me scream negative comments at Josh Hoover.  No, he is not Fernando Mendoza, but very few people are.  Blaming our poor offensive performance on just him was not only wrong, but ignorant.  It completely ignored the fact that our offensive line isn't as strong as last year's team.  I had definitely had my fill by the time we left, but still very hopeful that the Hoosiers would hold on and win the game against a much better Northwestern team than anyone had predicted. Thankfully, the Hoosiers did hold on and ended up winning 29-23.  It was a tense game that kept Doug and I wide awake all the way to Tennessee.  

We left this morning from our hotel at 8 a.m. glad that we would be able to make it to Ocala by nightfall.  On the trip, I decided to call my dad.  Both Cameron and I had talked to him yesterday and realized that something was wrong.  My cousin, Jeannette, kept texting me as well to see where I was and when we were leaving for Florida.  I realized that was a sign but knew that even if there was something wrong, I couldn't do too much about it.  I had to get back to Florida and see my family doctor about my heart racing last weekend.  

My hunch was correct as I found out this morning that my dad was trying to help my mom get into the hearing aid doctor's office and accidentally knocked her walker over, breaking my mom's shoulder.  My mom was in the hospital and would possibly need surgery.  Either way, it would be a long recovery.  I was sick to my stomach when I heard the news but not completely surprised.  Something inside of me told me this past week that there was a high chance that my mom would end up breaking another bone.  She was just so frail and not quite stable on her feet.  

I spent the rest of the afternoon talking to my children, explaining what happened and just feeling sad.  My parents have had a lot of serious health issues in this past fifteen months.  I wish they would have moved to assisted living or at least hired home healthcare, but I realize that this is not their plan.  I hope neither one ends up in the nursing home long term, but I know that I cannot do anything about it.  I have to take care of my own health so that I can help Doug navigate Parkinson's.  It will be a long journey for us, but we have already gotten off to a good start.