Wishful Thinking That Rarely Works

When I was in seventh grade, our PE teacher told us that our personality was formed at thirteen and never changed.  Thankfully, I realized later in life that her "words of wisdom" made absolutely no sense, especially since a human brain isn't even done developing until a person is twenty-five.  To believe that one of the toughest times in a person's life would also be when their true personality was cemented would be absolutely crazy.  I was so insecure when I was in middle school, I am glad that I grew more confident and independent as I aged.  I honestly do not believe that my personality was fully formed until well after thirty-five.  

In saying that, however, one thing that I now believe is that a person shows who they truly are early in a relationship.  A man that screams and yells at his girlfriend, generally does not change once they get married.   A girlfriend that cheats doesn't usually stop because a ring is on her finger.  Thus, my advice would be, if you want someone to treat you well in a marriage, make sure they treat you well before your wedding day.

This same sentiment holds true for in-laws.  A mother-in-law that is intrusive will still be intrusive when you get married and will increase her boundary pushing once children enter the picture.  Father-in-laws who are sexist and degrading won't change just because of a signed marriage certificate.  Therefore, I would love for every young couple contemplating spending the rest of their life together to go on an engagement retreat, talk to a priest and/or therapist, ask tough questions of one another and most of all be realistic.  Life is hard.  Marrying someone hoping they will change or believing that you can fix them only makes life harder.

God's Plan

We had a new priest arrive at Blessed Trinity this past fall.  His name is Father Bill, and he has a unique path to the seminary as he was once married and had a daughter.  God called he and his family in a different direction, however, and he was ordained last spring.  

I thought a lot about Father Bill's life story this past week.  I couldn't relate to the call to the priesthood, but I definitely felt many times in my life that God's plan for me wasn't what I originally thought it would be.  In fact, I couldn't even count the number of times that my life's trajectory changed from what I thought it would be.  

No path was ever different than the one that we had when we moved to Ocala.  Our plan was for Doug to work ten minutes from our home with the goal of leaving when he finished his time at Champion, maybe moving further south or trying a whole new state.  God, however, led us to a church that we loved and a community that we felt at home in almost as soon as we moved.  He helped Doug to find a job that was not only less stressful but provided the income and the challenge that Doug was looking for in a career.  Even though it wasn't in the perfect location, He helped us navigate that as well.  It wasn't the path that we were planning for or even looking for, but through prayer we found a life that helped bring peace to our family.  We couldn't ask for more than that.  

Festival of the Arts

Doug and I went to the Festival of the Arts today and wow was it crowded.  We still had a lot of fun as we hadn't been to Disney since Thanksgiving.  Meg and Nick were able to meet us there for lunch which made it even better.  I believe that the large crowds were due to the beautiful weather.  It definitely has been a colder than a normal winter in Central Florida, so I believe the nice day was the reason for the holiday size crowds.

Even with the long lines, the four of us were still able to walk through the countries without any issue and look at all of the art booths.  There were a lot of Disney themed paintings, and several done by AI this year.  All were extremely cute, but none of us bought too much.  Meg did find the perfect gift for Maggie's birthday.  

The food at the festival was fantastic.  We tried several unique dishes with Doug really enjoying the mushroom risotto in Canada.  I liked the General Tso's dumplings from China the best.  We headed out after the festival as the ride lines were way too long.  Meg and Nick went to Magic Kingdom next while Doug and I stopped at Port Orleans French Quarter.  We had hoped to try their Valentine beignets.  Everyone else must have had that idea as there was at least one hundred people in line.  After seeing that, we decided that it would make way more sense to skip the Disney treat and stop at Publix for dessert.  I was glad that we did as it gave us time to watch IU's overtime win against Wisconsin making for a wonderful end to the day.  

The Winter Olympics

Doug was very excited that the Winter Olympics were starting tonight and really wanted to watch the opening ceremony.  That lasted about ten minutes as he didn't remember that it had really changed from when we were younger.  Although the Olympians still walked in together waving their country's flag, the majority of the night was filled with dancing and singing.  Doug definitely wasn't interested in that.

While Doug was talking about all of his favorite winter sports, such as bobsledding, curling and skiing, I was focused on finding out when speed skating would take place.  There were two women from Ocala participating in those events. Although it was hard to believe that Floridians would be very good at winter sports, each had won a medal in 2022, and I was hopeful to watch them win again.  Either way it will be fun to follow these next few weeks.  

Starting a Family vs. Joining One

I read a really great article recently about marriage.  It stated that you should always remember that when you get married that you are not joining another family, you are actually starting your own.  I had never thought about it that way, but felt it was great advice for newlyweds.  In-laws and family dynamics are very hard for anyone to navigate, but especially for young couples.  

Even though Doug and I had gotten married over three decades ago, the article really resonated with me especially after watching Brett and Karen and Meg and Nick work their way through the first year or two of married life.  It reminded me of when Doug and I started our lives together almost thirty-five years ago.  The hardest part was figuring out our places in both our families as individuals and as a couple.  It wasn't easy, especially since we came from such different backgrounds.  

I wish that I could tell twenty-five-year-old me to look at life the way the article suggested.  It would have made everything easier.  I hated having family obligations with a group of people that I really did not know very well.  Back then, I felt as though I should understand the family dynamics when I had no idea what they were.  I went to events that weren't important to me and felt extremely out of place.  Instead of making me feel like I belonged, I became bitter and felt extremely unappreciated.  

Thankfully, I have really come to understand this past year that the biggest family obligation I have is to my husband and my children.  I have to put them first, especially Doug. It is he who I have built my life with and supporting him is my number one priority.  Hopefully, we have thirty-five more years together, but even if we don't I want to know that I gave my all because starting a family with him has been the best part of my life.

A Trip to Orlando

Doug stayed at Meg's tonight, so I decided to drive up and meet them both for dinner.  Meg has been very busy with work, crafting and hanging out with her group from church, so I haven't seen her a lot.  It was extremely nice to spend time with her.  The three of us went to one of Meg's favorite restaurants in the area which had a lot of different choices for me to choose from on the menu.  I really appreciated that as that is not only the case.  I also really enjoyed the atmosphere and had fun catching up on the "drama" at Meg's work.  It is so nice to know that she has found a job that she likes and that she is doing very well at already.  

When I left at 8:30, Doug was already hanging out in the papasan chair.  That has been his favorite spot to fall asleep in before he officially goes to bed.  The drive was super easy.  They have opened up part of the Turnpike which has shaved ten minutes off of the trip.  Doug was still awake when I called to tell him that I was home.  He and Meg were listening to music.  It was a great night, and I was glad that I decided to join them even if it was only for a few hours.

A Visit North

While we were having a relaxing weekend at home, Cameron spent his two free days in Syracuse visiting Grandma and Grandpa.  My mom was worried about the snow on the roads, but thankfully all was clear and he made it with no problem.  My parents enjoyed watching the IU basketball game Saturday night and ordering dinner out with him.  Cameron was able to get his laundry done and to help do a few small projects for his grandparents as well. 

I really appreciated him visiting them. The winter can feel very long in the Midwest and having something fun to look forward to makes it go by a lot quicker. Cameron also hadn't been able to visit much last semester, so it was nice for him to get a break from Bloomington as well.  He even had time to go to brunch with Samuel and was happy to report that his friend had no lingering issues after his emergency gallbladder removal in Ecuador.  Overall, it was a great weekend for all, and I am glad that my children prioritize their grandparents as they were such an important part of their childhood years.