Narcissim

 A few years ago, someone that I know told me that she was divorcing her husband because he was a narcissist.  I said that I was very sorry to hear that, but in all honesty had no idea what that word meant.  Since that time period, I have done more research and have gone beyond just the definition - "selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy and a need for admiration."  It is one of the most difficult personality disorders to deal with and cannot easily be corrected.  The list of symptoms was extensive and extremely negative. It wasn't a word to use lightly, and I stopped feeling bad for the person who told me that she was leaving her husband.  I had known him for years and he was no more a narcissist than I was.  Narcissism isn't something that a person hides well, so there was no way that he was that way to her and not to the rest of the world.  That didn't mean that he wasn't a jerk at times.  I could agree with that, but to call him a narcissism was cruel.  Over time, I was proved correct.  She was calling him names to get out of a relationship because of personal reasons.  

Researching about narcissism also answered questions that I had about another situation in our life. Someone that we had to deal with frequently not only displayed one symptom, but almost every one of them.  They definitely have an unreasonably high sense of self-importance, feel they deserve special treatment, make achievements bigger than they are, are preoccupied with success and power, expect people to do what they want without questioning, unwilling to recognize the needs of others and brag a lot.  Once I read that a light bulb went off.  They have been awful to deal with over the years and this answered exactly why that was.  

As excited as I was to finally have an answer to why this was an issue, the research that I did into how to deal with the situation wasn't promising.  Gaslighting, disarming their words, become emotionless and completely walking away from the relationship were just a few of the suggestions.  If a narcissist only sees themselves as a victim or a hero and never takes blame for anything, it is really challenging to maintain any type of relationship.  After a lot of discussion, I am not sure how everyone in our family will handle the situation, but for me, for now, I chose to walk away.  I can't let someone else control my mood or influence my life anymore.