I pulled this memory up on my phone several times today and alternated between smiling at the pictures and tearing up at the memories. A year ago this week was one of the most difficult times in Meg's life. She and her classmates had to say goodbye to one of their friends. It wasn't just anyone that they were finishing their senior year without, but someone who was the life of the party, the glue that held them all together, the one who everyone was friends with, the face of the Bethany Class of 2019. It was a life changing experience that each and everyone of them would have preferred not to have endured, but one that provided growth and strength in ways that many would have never thought possible. So many moments that they missed sharing with KeShawn - the senior class trip, college acceptance letters, Prom, senior faith statements, and graduation - made that time period even more difficult to endure.
Meg's experiences last winter led to some great conversations this past year between the two of us about life and death. I was able to tell her that after losing my brother I had never truly felt closure. Not even time had healed the pain of his death. It had gotten easier over the years, but a certain situation or a picture or even a song would bring back a flood of memories that made that time period feel like yesterday. What I had learned most from Meg and my talks, however, was that the past forty+ years taught me to focus on the happy times that Bunk and I had shared and to never dwell on what could have been.
This past year Meg has started her own journey. She has her own thoughts on death and God's purpose that bring her comfort. Meg has continually shared stories of the time that she and Shawn spent together both the good and the bad. She had so many wonderful memories show up on her phone from pictures that they took, selfies that he added to her photo collection, posts on Instagram and moments on SnapChat. There were times, however, when it was too much to bare and she had to put her phone away, such as the one year anniversary of his car accident. She learned from a grief specialist that many times arguments would arise among friends after a death on who was the closest to the person. He explained that it was a way for individuals to feel that they had control in a situation in which they did not. His words relieved a lot of anxiety in the weeks and months after the death as she realized that everyone could mourn and remember Shawn in their own way. Much as our family, Meg recognized the happiness of remembering a birthday instead of the last day. Thus, she joined in his celebration of life in December honoring Shawn's special day. In all of our conversations this past year, I was most proud of her display of empathy when she said to me, "If you can still hear him call 'Mama Heidi' at the games and I can tear up thinking about him, I can't even imagine what his girlfriend and family must feel." Shawn had been Meg's first friend at Bethany and a true friend to the end.
The start of Meg's senior year was an extremely challenging time period in her life. Difficulty with a coach and a bad end to a relationship had left Meg completely drained. Shawn was there for her every step of the way, encouraging her through words and bringing her to laughter by annoying her in every way possible. I remember telling her that fall that all of those difficulties were preparing her for an even bigger challenge she would have to face later in life. Meg repeated that statement to me after Shawn died and said, "Mom, you were right. I just didn't think that it would be this hard."
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