December with Jeanette

December was always Jeanette's favorite month.  It wasn't just because her birthday was today, but also because she absolutely loved Christmas.  She would decorate her house with a tree on every level and hang lights and garland inside and out.  She carved wooden Santa Clauses to add to her holiday collection and she would bake everyone's favorite Christmas cookies.  Doug told me that when he was younger, they would deliver giant homemade gingerbread men that she made to their family and friends.  Jeanette also planned a get together every year in December with her mother's family and Aunt Betty's complete with delicious food, small presents and a lot of Christmas cheer.

When Jeanette became a Grandma, she added one more tradition to the holidays.  She would set aside a day to open presents with her grandchildren.  She would enlist her daughter-in-laws help in picking out the perfect gift for each one.  Those gifts were always special.  She would add to their Thomas the Tank Engine collection, or clothes for the American Girl Dolls.  She would have fun watching her grandchildren open their new Blue's Clues toys, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Bob the Builder sets ready to use the toys with them as soon as the holiday paper was unwrapped. 

Jeanette's love of Christmas did not change once she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  The gifts that I helped her pick out for the grandchildren did, however.  Instead of a toy, I started looking for items that were more memorable - a craft that they could make together, a game that they could play together, a book that they both loved, clothing, pillows and blankets with a beloved sports team on them -  a Chicago Bears pillow pet for Meg, Fighting Illini shorts for Cal, Mario pajamas for Cameron and countless books for Brett.  Those gifts meant the world to our children and they held on to them long after their Christmas celebrations with her ended.  

After Jeanette died nine years ago, our Christmas celebrations with Doug's family changed dramatically.  One tradition that I decided to keep alive was the gifts.  Every year, I would take the Christmas money that Carl gave Doug and spend a portion of it on our children.  I would still pick out a memory gift and we would open "Grandpa Heinisch's" gifts on Christmas Eve.  I don't think that Carl even realized that we did that, but in my heart I knew that Jeanette did.  No, our children didn't need the gifts or money that they received, but it was one more way to keep Jeanette's tradition alive.  Doug had told me that he hoped that when his mom was diagnosed with cancer that she'd live long enough for Cameron to remember her.  Thankfully, she did and from the moment of her death, I continued keeping her a part of our lives in so many ways.  The Christmas gift tradition was always at the top.

This year when I opened Carl's Christmas card, I cried.  There was just a short sentence letting us know that he had moved to DeKalb permanently.  Doug had told me earlier in the year that his dad was no longer going to give him Christmas money.  It wasn't until the moment that I saw the empty card that I realized how sad it made me feel.  It wasn't about the money or the gifts, but that it was the permanent end of our tradition with Jeanette.  

I have always been happy for Carl that he found love again and enjoys his life with Marina.  I know, however, that Jeanette's death has left a hole in our family that can never be filled.  In honor of her birthday and her love of the holidays, I will just have to come up with a different way to help keep her memory alive that doesn't involve opening gifts.