Today was the day set aside by our country to remember those who had served in the armed forces. It had always been a special day for me as it gave me a reason to remember my favorite veteran. I thought a lot today about my grandfather's service in World War II and how that experience changed his life. There were scary moments being stationed in the South Pacific. He was on the water when the USS Indianapolis sank and was told days before the bomb was dropped on Hiroshima that his unit would be going to Japan and not to expect to return. There were positives, however, as he not only developed his skills while working in the corps of engineers, he also met lifelong friends that he kept in contact with until he died. He also gained a lot of memories that he would later share with an eager audience. Retelling those stories to me created a bond that has lasted well past his lifetime.
I had actually been thinking about my grandparents a lot lately, not just today. About a year ago I had found out that my Aunt Jan's family had been in contact with some of the family members of my grandmother's first husband. I was surprised when I heard the news, but didn't really think much of it at first. I remember telling two of my close friends about it and they didn't even realize that the grandfather that I loved, adored and talked about wasn't my mother's biological dad. They debated if they would want to meet their new relatives or not.
After that conversation I realized that I never really thought about my grandmother's first husband. My Uncle Larry and Uncle Jim had different last names so I figured out long before anyone mentioned it that my grandmother was married twice. My grandparents were also very open and honest with me, so when I had questions they answered them truthfully. I knew that there were times that my grandpa was called Mr. Lakins and he didn't correct anyone to lessen the confusion. I knew that my grandparents met while working at the Vitrice shortly after she divorced and married at the justice of the peace. I also knew that my mother did not remember her biological father and only thought of my grandfather as her dad.
I had a more in depth conversation with my grandma about her first husband while I was in college. I was asking her for advice about a tumultuous relationship that I was in and just could not seem to end. She gave me more details about her first marriage and bluntly told me that Joe was a gambling, womanizing, drunk. She said that the benefit of having such a challenging first marriage was that it made her appreciate my grandfather even more. Shortly after this conversation, I starting dating Doug and years later I could totally relate to her feelings about my grandpa.
When I first found out about members of my family contacting Joe's, I was hurt. I felt that it was a betrayal to my grandfather's memory. I wondered how my grandmother would react if she knew. I came to realize over time that there was no right or wrong way to feel about in this situation. Each family member had to make their own decision in this circumstance. I did not have any interest in meeting additional members of the Lakins' family, but realized that others did. As pictures emerged on Facebook yesterday from their weekend get together in Tennessee I realized that I had made the right choice for me. Family gatherings had never been the same for me once my grandparents died. The glue that held it all together for me was absent and getting together was only a reminder of that. Instead of being sad about days gone by, I spent time talking to Doug and the Heinisch children. I wanted them to know that no matter what happened during their lifetimes, I hoped that they would remain supportive of one another, attend each others significant events and maintain a presence in one another's lives even if it was only a quick text or call. Their shared memories could never be replaced and holding on to those would be a lasting legacy to our family as well as a tribute to my grandparents and the love they shared.
