Not My Favorite Day

Today has never been my favorite day of the year.  August 31 is the day that my brother, Bunk, died.  I try not to really think about that time period forty-five years ago as it is just too sad.  I prefer to think about my brother on October 8th, his birthday, or at holidays.  Those dates always bring back fond memories.

In thinking about it, I would say that there is nothing positive about losing a sibling.  Life changes forever when that happens.  I did learn a lot from the experience, however, which has made a positive difference in how I live my life.  The most important lesson was that life could change in a heartbeat.  Therefore, when Doug and I started having children, I knew that I wanted to spend as much time as possible with them while still letting them grow into the adult that they wanted to be.  We never smothered them, but stayed actively involved in their lives.  The Heinisch children were never coddled as hard work was expected, but we did help them whenever we thought it was appropriate.  We appreciated every moment with them, even the small ones.

The best part about creating a bond with our children over the last twenty-seven years is how it has affected our relationship with them as adults in so many positive ways.  We have remained close with them.  They have included us in their daily activities, their friendships, their work life and so much more.  Their texts and phone calls are always appreciated and we enjoy listening to what they have been doing.  

Thus, if I had one piece of advice for anyone with children, appreciate them in their youth and in their adulthood.  Listen to them, support them and make them a priority.  If you do not have the relationship with your adult children that you wanted, then you should do everything you can to fix it.  You should call them, communicate with them, and apologize if need be.  Take an interest in their life.  It's never too late, but it sure becomes harder if you do not realize that you are the reason that you do not have a positive relationship with your adult children.  It's hard to make that time up if you do not do it when they are young.  That's where what makes Harry Chapin's song "Cats in the Cradle" relevant even to this day.  If you didn't create the bond then, the likelihood of it happening later on dwindles greatly.