Sometimes Honesty is not the Best Policy

I love that my family was always honest with one another.  There were times that their bluntness hurt feelings, and everyone's opinion was not always wanted or correct, but overall, no one had to guess what another family member was thinking.  That openness was true on both sides of my family, so until I went to college, I didn't realize that other families chose not to express their opinions.  I could respect that as sometimes being open and honest could cause family strife, but for the most part I appreciated how our family handled situations even when it could bring tears at times.

Because of the frankness that I was used to, I really struggled understanding Doug's family relationships. Almost everyone was very nice, but I didn't hear a lot of frank conversation, at least not face to face.  I don't remember anyone confronting another or sharing their opinion in a constructive matter.  Instead, there was a lot of screaming when true feelings emerged.  It almost seemed like the more honest a person was, the more that they got yelled at, which was very hard to witness.  I had a lot of respect for the kindest and most patient members of Doug's family, so for the first few years, I thought that maybe my family had handled problems incorrectly.  Maybe keeping one's opinions quiet was the right approach.  

I tried the quiet way for a few years, but once Cal became a toddler, I could no longer continue to keep my mouth shut.  An incident had occurred with one of Doug's family members that had put the boys in danger, and I could no longer "turn a blind eye" to the harm that being silent could create.  I confronted the person.  They did not listen and blamed everyone else including me, but after that I never trusted them again with any of my children.  If they wouldn't listen to me or respect my opinion in such a serious situation, I realized that it would be better just to stay away from them even though it caused some conflict in my marriage.  I knew that it was better to be honest with Doug and safeguard my children than to keep my mouth shut.  

Our family continued to grow, and honesty became our motto.  All of our children knew that it was better to be truthful than to keep their feelings inside or worse, lie.  It made for some interesting conversations over the years, but I truly believe that honesty is what bonded our family the most.  We never had to guess what the other one was thinking or doing.  Now that our children are all out on their own, there are times that I think to myself, "Oh, I might not want to know that or I would be ok not hearing that story", but after watching Doug struggle to handle his current family situation, I will keep on listening every time my children speak, just like my parents do with me.  I know that at times, my parents probably want to tell me to keep my mouth shut or my opinion to myself, but in the end, honesty will really benefit the three of us as life continues to change.