When I was in seventh grade, our PE teacher told us that our personality was formed at thirteen and never changed. Thankfully, I realized later in life that her "words of wisdom" made absolutely no sense, especially since a human brain isn't even done developing until a person is twenty-five. To believe that one of the toughest times in a person's life would also be when their true personality was cemented would be absolutely crazy. I was so insecure when I was in middle school, I am glad that I grew more confident and independent as I aged. I honestly do not believe that my personality was fully formed until well after thirty-five.
In saying that, however, one thing that I now believe is that a person shows who they truly are early in a relationship. A man that screams and yells at his girlfriend, generally does not change once they get married. A girlfriend that cheats doesn't usually stop because a ring is on her finger. Thus, my advice would be, if you want someone to treat you well in a marriage, make sure they treat you well before your wedding day.
This same sentiment holds true for in-laws. A mother-in-law that is intrusive will still be intrusive when you get married and will increase her boundary pushing once children enter the picture. Father-in-laws who are sexist and degrading won't change just because of a signed marriage certificate. Therefore, I would love for every young couple contemplating spending the rest of their life together to go on an engagement retreat, talk to a priest and/or therapist, ask tough questions of one another and most of all be realistic. Life is hard. Marrying someone hoping they will change or believing that you can fix them only makes life harder.
No comments:
Post a Comment