How About Pitching In for a Change

I was very tired yesterday when we got home but still enjoyed having Nick and Meg stop by on their way back from Atlanta and even made it up for Cal's late night phone call after the Bears won their first playoff game in fifteen years in exciting fashion.  Unfortunately, I did not sleep as well as I wanted to last night, and I woke up absolutely exhausted.  I don't know if that was a factor or a couple of things that happened over the weekend with Doug's family, but this morning I was extremely frustrated with several of their recent behaviors. Today, I spent quite a bit of time reflecting and trying to figure out what exactly was bothering me.  In the end, I think I came up with what I was mad about and finally naming it made me feel a lot better.

When Doug first developed health issues several years ago, I felt that there were a couple of people in his family that could have helped him and didn't.  I thought one was helping at first but soon realized that was I wrong.  I was surprised by their lack of support and empathy, but I guess that I probably shouldn't have been.  Doug and I had always been independent and had solved our problems on our own.  We both had grown up that way, and I always thought that it was our choice to be independent.  I have come to understand now exactly why Doug has always done everything for himself.  He had to.  

Even when Doug's tremors first began, he tried to take care of the problem on his own or with my help.  When I finally encouraged him to ask for outside help from those closest to him with the resources to help, he was rejected.  I was surprised and hurt by that then but had completely gotten over it until this past month as those two same family members have come to Doug for help even though they know that he doesn't have to ability to do so anymore.  They both made this weekend about themselves and their needs totally disregarding anything that Doug had going on in his life good or bad.  

The best part was that Doug didn't drop everything to help them out as he would have years ago.  Circumstances had changed and the reality was that he actually couldn't help them.  As hard as I am sure that is for him, I was glad that he finally put his health needs above others' trivial issues.  He deserves to put himself first.  He's done enough over the years.  It is time for a break.