"Mom, how come when (boy in the class) gets an A, everyone is thrilled, but when I do no one says a word?" Cam posed this question to me on the way to piano this week. Before I could even attempt to respond, Meg had already explained to him about teacher's expectations, PBIS and every other item that she felt might help him understand. In the end both of them looked at me and said, "It's not really fair, is it?"
I thought a lot about Cameron's question over the last few days. I realize that it isn't fair from his perspective. His brother's felt the same way in elementary only they didn't voice it as well. Neither Brett nor Cal cared about grades or proving to the teacher that they had already mastered the subject she was teaching. School became a chore, something that neither really enjoyed. Instead they endured.
Over the years both Brett and Cal figured out ways to make school more tolerable. Brett started writing elaborate fantasy stories. At recess he would share his ideas with his friends. Many times he would be caught daydreaming in class. In upper elementary he became a President trivia buff. He could recite everything anyone wanted to know about the Presidents and eventually his love of history and politics took form. Cal always had a lot of friends, but the doldrums of school were extremely challenging for him to handle. That is until he discovered sports. When he wasn't playing them he was reading about them or writing down statistics of his favorite teams or players. He studied fantasy football and knew who to draft, trade or sit out a game.
We also came up with ways to stimulate the boys at home. Brett took piano lessons and Cal played golf. Both activities challenged them mentally and gave them something to focus on outside of the repetitiveness of busy work homework. As the years progressed both boys made it to high school with mostly A's, but there was two items they were lacking to help them succeed long term. The first we realized early as the boys had never been taught how to study. Everything had always come easy to them. Taking notes, researching, writing and rereading chapters were not something that they were accustomed to. Both had classes in which this became apparent.
The second problem we really only noticed recently. It occurred to us that neither boy had ever really been supported emotionally. We were able to provide that support at home, but the school had never set up a way for the high ability students to express their needs and ask for help. In fact it felt quite the opposite. Students were just pushed ahead academically or ignored by instructors busy helping the rest of the class. Subjects were not taught in depth and working independently was strongly encouraged. Building relationships, assisting the high ability students need for intellectual interaction and teaching problem solving were not high priorities. Research shows that these students need more emotional support, not less than their peers. They tend to be hyperactive and need ways to expend that energy. They need to learn to set academic goals and receive just as much encouragement as their peers in achieving them.
Thus, Cameron's questions shouldn't have surprised me. There isn't anything I can say to make him understand that teacher's expectations are different for students. He has learned early to set his own goals and this Spring when he hit 500 points for AR he could truly feel proud of himself even if no one else seemed impressed. I have learned a lot from the three children ahead of him. Meg has always had to work harder than the boys because of her eye issues. Thus, school has never been as dull to her as the boys have described. I don't want Cameron to head down the path of apathy that can come when students feel unappreciated or supported. I also don't want him to become an underachiever just to fit in with his peer group. Thus, I am ever more happy that we decided to try Bethany Christian. It may not be the perfect solution, but I know he will be well supported, and if by chance I am wrong, we'll keep looking.
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