One thing that I have realized the older that I get is that almost all memories fade both good and bad. That can really help when trying to forget painful parts of the past. I have learned over the years that it is a choice to remember something or not. The thought of someone hurting my feelings might pop into my head, but that doesn't mean that it has to stay there. I can choose to put it aside, talk about it to a trusted friend or therapist or just plain tell myself that I do not want to remember this thought and focus on a pleasant memory instead.
The part that is challenging about forgetting bad memories is when someone else keeps bringing up something that is painful to me. I have never really understood why people do that. If I know that something bothered someone else, I would never talk about it in front of them. A death, an embarrassing moment, or mistreatment by another is never fun to think about, so why would I talk about it with someone that found the memory painful. It just brings it to the forefront of their mind. I know I don't like it when that happens to me. It takes longer to forget it or move on from it.
Recently, I have heard myself tell others, "I really don't like talking about that subject." Most respect my position and drop the topic altogether. I appreciate those who do. I didn't learn this overnight, but through a book that I have been reading about boundaries and from a friend that I met in Florida who told me point blank, "If you don't like talking about something, then we won't." Between the book and the friend, I started to believe that my feelings had merit and that it was ok to say no to anything and everything that I did not like. It hasn't worked in every situation, but for the most part, I have given up every bad memory that I had and have grown the courage to tell others that I am not interested in talking about them. My "shortened" memory has definitely helped me focus on the happiness of today and leave the past in the past.
No comments:
Post a Comment